OLDBOY (2013)…a trimmed ‘Stache review
Let’s be fair. I need you to forget all about Park Chan-wook’s original cult film. 
I don’t think I’m alone in pointing out that all films, remakes/reboots included, should be critiqued as its own piece of art, separate from its source content. This thought will be the basis of my review for Spike Lee’s OLDBOY.
The story of OLDBOY centers around one Joe Doucett (Brolin), who is mysteriously kidnapped (man-napped?) during a self-destructive night on the town, and is kept prisoner in an isolated cell by an eccentric billionaire (Sharlto Copley). Upon his release, and with the help of aid worker (Elizabeth Olsen), he vows to hunt down his captor. 
A lot like some of the film’s ludicrous characters, the film itself forces you to suspend all reality, riding the line between being too shocking and not shocking enough. If Spike Lee went the full mile with his outlandish characters, he should have done the same with the action (a la DRIVE). Whatever action is shown feels wasted, and at some points completely unnecessary, much like the casting of Sharlto Copley and Samuel L. Jackson (what is up with that?).
Issues aside, there are some redeeming qualities. Lee’s direction gives us some interesting shots, and when combined with the colour palette of the film, delivers beautiful urban cinema. Hollywood up-and-comer Elizabeth Olsen is a saving grace, delivering a fresh face and some grounded reality to the film. Lastly, OLDBOY’s ending gives a great, unexpected twist, albeit a million to one chances of it happening. 
So, if you have the capacity to ignore certain stylistic and story flaws, OR if you’d like to learn a brilliant in-room workout routine, give Spike Lee’s OLDBOY a shot. Otherwise, avoid.
OLDBOY5 out of 10 “Where’s the nearest payphone?!” ‘Staches

OLDBOY (2013)
…a trimmed ‘Stache review

Let’s be fair. I need you to forget all about Park Chan-wook’s original cult film. 

I don’t think I’m alone in pointing out that all films, remakes/reboots included, should be critiqued as its own piece of art, separate from its source content. This thought will be the basis of my review for Spike Lee’s OLDBOY.

The story of OLDBOY centers around one Joe Doucett (Brolin), who is mysteriously kidnapped (man-napped?) during a self-destructive night on the town, and is kept prisoner in an isolated cell by an eccentric billionaire (Sharlto Copley). Upon his release, and with the help of aid worker (Elizabeth Olsen), he vows to hunt down his captor. 

A lot like some of the film’s ludicrous characters, the film itself forces you to suspend all reality, riding the line between being too shocking and not shocking enough. If Spike Lee went the full mile with his outlandish characters, he should have done the same with the action (a la DRIVE). Whatever action is shown feels wasted, and at some points completely unnecessary, much like the casting of Sharlto Copley and Samuel L. Jackson (what is up with that?).

Issues aside, there are some redeeming qualities. Lee’s direction gives us some interesting shots, and when combined with the colour palette of the film, delivers beautiful urban cinema. Hollywood up-and-comer Elizabeth Olsen is a saving grace, delivering a fresh face and some grounded reality to the film. Lastly, OLDBOY’s ending gives a great, unexpected twist, albeit a million to one chances of it happening. 

So, if you have the capacity to ignore certain stylistic and story flaws, OR if you’d like to learn a brilliant in-room workout routine, give Spike Lee’s OLDBOY a shot. Otherwise, avoid.

OLDBOY
5 out of 10 “Where’s the nearest payphone?!” ‘Staches

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES…a trimmed ‘Stache reviewFinally, a Paranormal Activity movie that isn’t a Paranormal Activity movie.In all honesty, I’m coining this film “The Dwayne Johnson” of the Paranormal franchise - this movie is the refreshment that the series desperately needs. It breaks away from the standard format that we’ve come to expect in almost every way possible, while retaining important (and new) links to the main storyline. This movie simultaneously makes the Paranormal universe feel disturbingly large and frighteningly small.Prepare to scream for three reasons. First, the suspense. THE MARKED ONES is packed with fantastic sequences - ask anyone about the “trapdoor scene”. Second, the horror. True horror, horrific horror. And third, the excitement. OMG the excitement! You’ll see things that you haven’t seen before, scenes that completely counteract horror movie cliches, AND FINALLY involves a family that isn’t white upper-middle class.PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES7 out of 10 “don’t listen to anyone else on this but Film’Stache” ‘Staches

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES
…a trimmed ‘Stache review

Finally, a Paranormal Activity movie that isn’t a Paranormal Activity movie.

In all honesty, I’m coining this film “The Dwayne Johnson” of the Paranormal franchise - this movie is the refreshment that the series desperately needs. It breaks away from the standard format that we’ve come to expect in almost every way possible, while retaining important (and new) links to the main storyline. This movie simultaneously makes the Paranormal universe feel disturbingly large and frighteningly small.

Prepare to scream for three reasons. First, the suspense. THE MARKED ONES is packed with fantastic sequences - ask anyone about the “trapdoor scene”. Second, the horror. True horror, horrific horror. And third, the excitement. OMG the excitement! You’ll see things that you haven’t seen before, scenes that completely counteract horror movie cliches, AND FINALLY involves a family that isn’t white upper-middle class.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE MARKED ONES
7 out of 10 “don’t listen to anyone else on this but Film’Stache” ‘Staches

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET…a trimmed ‘Stache review
Sex. Drugs. Money. The perfect recipe for the ultimate party movie.
BUT! THE WOLF OF WALL STREET is not just a party movie - it’s a blatant gangbang. Yet, Scorsese manages to gel said gangbang with one of the most compelling stories I’ve seen on screen. 
Special mention to Jonah Hill, who not only brings a load of humor to the film, but also manages to pull off straight drama sequences. 
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET9 out of 10 snorted coke from an escort’s behind ‘Staches

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
…a trimmed ‘Stache review

Sex. Drugs. Money. The perfect recipe for the ultimate party movie.

BUT! THE WOLF OF WALL STREET is not just a party movie - it’s a blatant gangbang. Yet, Scorsese manages to gel said gangbang with one of the most compelling stories I’ve seen on screen. 

Special mention to Jonah Hill, who not only brings a load of humor to the film, but also manages to pull off straight drama sequences. 

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
9 out of 10 snorted coke from an escort’s behind ‘Staches

UPSTREAM COLOR…a trimmed ‘Stache review
Once again, Shane Carruth manages to mindf*ck us all. UPSTREAM COLOR is his follow up from acclaimed PRIMER, and definitely lives up to expectations.
Carruth’s method to filmmaking is one of a tinkerer, to which he does so to perfection. His use of sound, in particular, is where this is most evident. For your first viewing experience, I suggest you lock yourself away in the quietest room in your house and just ride the film’s flow.
You’ll watch this movie a few times, then again, and then after about the fifth watch you’ll want to know where your pig is.
UPSTREAM COLOR8.5 out of 10 don’t blink or you’ll miss it ‘Staches

UPSTREAM COLOR
…a trimmed ‘Stache review

Once again, Shane Carruth manages to mindf*ck us all. UPSTREAM COLOR is his follow up from acclaimed PRIMER, and definitely lives up to expectations.

Carruth’s method to filmmaking is one of a tinkerer, to which he does so to perfection. His use of sound, in particular, is where this is most evident. For your first viewing experience, I suggest you lock yourself away in the quietest room in your house and just ride the film’s flow.

You’ll watch this movie a few times, then again, and then after about the fifth watch you’ll want to know where your pig is.

UPSTREAM COLOR
8.5 out of 10 don’t blink or you’ll miss it ‘Staches